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It's two o'clock in the morning. I'm tired. Let me sleep, Brandon. I can't take this anymore. I'm sick of the aching in the pit of my stomach. I'm sick of having puffy eyes in the morning. I'm sick of tears. I'm sick of being and feeling and apologizing for the weakness and the pathetic things I do. Can't you feel me. Can't you hear me. I'm thinking so loud it's almost audible. I feel empty and I want it to stop. And you know what's so fucked up about it is that I am happy during the day. I can completely put you in the back of my mind. It takes some work sometimes but I do it. But at night when I'm lying here in bed and I can feel the silence around me, it's hard, impossible to block it. I'm sick of saying should have, would of, could of. I didn't stop seeing you or kissing you until last month, I didn't block you after we broke up three years ago. I didn't get over you and I'm sick of apologizing for that even to myself. It's exhausting because had I been a normal teenager, I would be on at least heartbreak #3 by now and I'm still stuck on you. My first in everything. And it fucking hurts. I applaud you for not unblocking me, but I feel like when I'm alone, I'm going to fucking crazy. My stomach hurts. My head hurts. And my heart..well, let's just say I'm not going to be flexing that muscle anytime soon. I don't want to fuck anyone up as much as you did to me. I miss you. I love you. I wish this could be as easy for me as it is for you.

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