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colormehappy
08:20
So as it goes, we aren't talking right now and something about this time seems final. Well, you've made it final I guess. Blocking me on your phone like I was the problem and maybe I am. I have no idea if I was the one who royally fucked us up or if we were supposed to falter this whole time. Four and a half years. That's crazy to me. It seems like just yesterday that I met you. I know it isn't but I can still smell the way you smelled that day. I can still see your eyes for the first time. I can still remember feeling safe different comfortable and that always struck me as odd. I can still feel the way I trusted you from the beginning. How the first time you touched kissed hugged fucked made love to me felt like. And although I should have forgotten those things years ago I can't and I won't. I'll always hold on because you're a part of me like the sun is a part of the sky. I'll never be able or want to forget you. One day it's going to hurt less to remember you and the way you made me feel. I know that like I know what size shoe you wear or what your favorite color is or how I love to kiss that wrinkle in your forehead when we're doing what we do/did best. Maybe you're a part of my past and maybe I know you'll be nothing in my future but I can't forget about you. I can't block you out. You were the first in everything. The first thing to matter to me. Maybe it's that I don't want to forget. But maybe it's just that I won't. Regardless, you're everything I ever hoped you'd be. Thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for letting me break yours. If I didn't have you, I'd never know how strong I truly am. I've been pathetic and I've been weak and I've had every fault and blunder but that's what makes me human. Right?...

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