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March 02 2015

colormehappy
15:46
When does it stop hurting? That's all I want to know. I've had two boyfriends since we broke up and we broke up three years ago even though I'm not sure I can use that excuse because we didn't truly end anything until a month ago. I still call you some nights when the dark around me feels suffocating. And that's pathetic, I realize that. I'm going to stop being so pathetic. I'm going to learn to love my life again.

February 26 2015

colormehappy
08:20
So as it goes, we aren't talking right now and something about this time seems final. Well, you've made it final I guess. Blocking me on your phone like I was the problem and maybe I am. I have no idea if I was the one who royally fucked us up or if we were supposed to falter this whole time. Four and a half years. That's crazy to me. It seems like just yesterday that I met you. I know it isn't but I can still smell the way you smelled that day. I can still see your eyes for the first time. I can still remember feeling safe different comfortable and that always struck me as odd. I can still feel the way I trusted you from the beginning. How the first time you touched kissed hugged fucked made love to me felt like. And although I should have forgotten those things years ago I can't and I won't. I'll always hold on because you're a part of me like the sun is a part of the sky. I'll never be able or want to forget you. One day it's going to hurt less to remember you and the way you made me feel. I know that like I know what size shoe you wear or what your favorite color is or how I love to kiss that wrinkle in your forehead when we're doing what we do/did best. Maybe you're a part of my past and maybe I know you'll be nothing in my future but I can't forget about you. I can't block you out. You were the first in everything. The first thing to matter to me. Maybe it's that I don't want to forget. But maybe it's just that I won't. Regardless, you're everything I ever hoped you'd be. Thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for letting me break yours. If I didn't have you, I'd never know how strong I truly am. I've been pathetic and I've been weak and I've had every fault and blunder but that's what makes me human. Right?...
colormehappy
08:17
It's two o'clock in the morning. I'm tired. Let me sleep, Brandon. I can't take this anymore. I'm sick of the aching in the pit of my stomach. I'm sick of having puffy eyes in the morning. I'm sick of tears. I'm sick of being and feeling and apologizing for the weakness and the pathetic things I do. Can't you feel me. Can't you hear me. I'm thinking so loud it's almost audible. I feel empty and I want it to stop. And you know what's so fucked up about it is that I am happy during the day. I can completely put you in the back of my mind. It takes some work sometimes but I do it. But at night when I'm lying here in bed and I can feel the silence around me, it's hard, impossible to block it. I'm sick of saying should have, would of, could of. I didn't stop seeing you or kissing you until last month, I didn't block you after we broke up three years ago. I didn't get over you and I'm sick of apologizing for that even to myself. It's exhausting because had I been a normal teenager, I would be on at least heartbreak #3 by now and I'm still stuck on you. My first in everything. And it fucking hurts. I applaud you for not unblocking me, but I feel like when I'm alone, I'm going to fucking crazy. My stomach hurts. My head hurts. And my heart..well, let's just say I'm not going to be flexing that muscle anytime soon. I don't want to fuck anyone up as much as you did to me. I miss you. I love you. I wish this could be as easy for me as it is for you.

February 02 2015

colormehappy
18:00
There isn't enough time or space or love or color or adventure. There is never enough. We as human beings are entitled, selfish, time-consuming assholes. And there isn't enough positive mindset to counteract. The world will end because of us and we aren't even the ones who created it. We destroy and we design. We love and we hate. We suck the life out of another and we give life to them all. We are broken and we are mended and I have no fucking clue how the fuck we have made it this far. I have no fucking clue who I am or what I have or where the hell I am going. I am falling into a pit of stupidity and there is no one helping me. I am alone. Hey. Aren't we all?
colormehappy
17:55
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that explains why we love ahs asylum so much
colormehappy
17:54
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colormehappy
17:54
colormehappy
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Reposted frommiki-rie miki-rie viahelenburns helenburns
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love-lettersanonymous:

This note was found in New Orleans.

Kiss you all over and over again Til the nite closes in

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colormehappy
17:50
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colormehappy
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colormehappy
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Reposted fromkarmacoma karmacoma viaimchuckbasss imchuckbasss
colormehappy
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Reposted fromkarmacoma karmacoma viaimchuckbasss imchuckbasss
colormehappy
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Reposted fromkeithpeligro keithpeligro viaI-am-Fine I-am-Fine
colormehappy
17:45
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